Wha happened?

I have health insurance on Oct. 11.  I'm not sure who the first person I see will be, a psychologist or a dentist.  I suppose it depends what I have to pay less for.  Real pleased to be getting a little bit closer to joining the real adult world.  Job:  check.  Insurance:  check.  Wife:  not even close.  Close relationship with God/strong displeasure with people that aren't exactly like me(disregarding people that are living in self imposed ignorance):  *maniacal laughter*.   Half way there I suppose.

I'm doing this for me

I think my parents might be secret hipsters.  They have a PBR umbrella any my dad wears jorts whenever he has the opportunity.

Stephen King: racist?

People of color speak a lot of "jive" and are also characters of bizarre wisdom in Stephen King works.  Some examples:  The Stand, The Green Mile, The Dark Tower, and likely several others that don't immediately spring to mind.  Shawshank Redemption doesn't count because in the book the character Red that was portrayed by Morgan Freeman in the film was white.

Why most people are the worst.

I think on of the most important personality traits that my generation is sorely lacking is self-awareness.  I'm an out of shape 30-year old who less than a year ago finally got his undergraduate degree.  I just recently started my post-graduation job, and my first full time in about 3 years.  It doesn't pay me well enough to allow me to move out of my parents' home.  I have been living with my parents for the last 3 years..  I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years and I haven't had so much as a blind date in 4 years.  I enjoy drinking and on the rare occasion I have the opportunity to imbibe I often over-indulge.  I'm not say all of this because I'm ashamed of who I am (although some things that happen when I've been overserved, my living situation, and my pathetic lack of a love life are a source of embarrassment at times if only for myself).  I'm saying this because I realize that I have flaws and I shouldn't think I'm better than everyone else or that people that don't like me are "haters" or jealous of me.  Not everyone is going to like me and that's fine.  I also know why they don't like me and those reasons are the same reasons that my friends and family like me.  I'm very opinionated and vocal about those opinions.  If I get going ranting about something (which doesn't take much prodding) I will  get loud and profane and angry.  Friends and family are amused, but its not the best way to make new friends or meet single beautiful ladies.  It's important to know that everyone has flaws, and more importantly to know what specific flaws exist in you, you ignorant mouth breather.

Mid-life Crisis

I turn 30 in a few hours and I'm quite unhappy with where I'm at at this point in my life.  I'm overweight, working a pathetic job, I haven't been on a date in 5 years, and I live with my parents in a town where I don't know anyone.  I haven't had any kind of social life in years, and I celebrated my last birthday by watching the women's world cup with my parents.  For all of these reasons I wanted to spend my 30th with friends.  I was offered a job that offered me little other than a little resume padding, very little in the way of compensation, less in the way of a rewarding challenging position, and something to occupy my weekends aside from visiting friends or doing anything. But I needed to take the position because my resume is quite weak.  This meant that I could not celebrate turning 30 with any friends at all.  Because of the depressing state of my life and the fact that I would just be working the day of my birthday and the weekends before my birthday I requested one thing from my parents:  please ignore my birthday.  I will be doing enough thinking about it without you celebrating it and making me think about pathetic my life is.  My dad has mentioned my birthday half a dozen times already tonight.

fire-able offense

In my job I deal with a lot of people's business information.  A lot more people than I would have ever imagined use AOL as their primary e-mail address in Iowa.  I was not aware that was a thing anymore.  As I get ever closer to hitting 30 on Tuesday next week, the fact that I never even considered that as an e-mail option makes me feel a bit young.  The good kind of young though.  Not the kind of young that I generally feel when I realize that I live with my parents, can't afford to move out, have a job that anyone with an 8th grade education could do, don't have any friends, and will likely never have sex because I'm such a loser.  I've felt that kind of young every day for the last 3 years.  That young is not good.  Being young enough that an AOL e-mail never occurred to you is a good thing.

Gainful employment.

Going to my job every day is exactly like getting kicked in the nuts. It's awful but at least reassuring.  It sucks but it's a job and getting hit hurts but at least it reminds me I have nuts.  There are way better ways for things to interact with my undercarriage just like there are way better jobs for me to have but in this case I guess shitty interaction is better than none.

Dollar sign.

I fear that the young hip people of this age think that a victory of partying is to wake up ready to go.  A hangover isn't a sign of weakness, and a lack of one isn't a sign of strength.  As a matter of fact, a willingness to start drinking immediately after waking up following a good night of partying is either a sign of an alcohol problem or the sign of a teetotaler.  Ke$ha I'm talking about you.  You're either faking being a hard drinker or you need to go to rehab.  I'm just concerned for you.  Especially since you're in music videos with Dawson.

I'm stockpiling?

There is a mouse in the office.  I locked eyes with it last night and it turned around and fled.  I think he felt bad for me.  He was free to run away and I was wearing a headset with a 3ft cord.  I can't leave a tiny radius of my cube and this tiny vermin has free reign of the office.  At least until he gets killed, which will not be far in the future.  I guess it could be worse.  Sure, I'm making very little at a job that isn't very rewarding aside from my relatively meager paychecks.  And it seems that overtime is more or less mandatory so that I have little time to actively search for a better job, but at least there aren't other giant beings who are hell bent on destroying me.  Take that Mikey!  I'm on top of the food chain, and although I'm developing an ulcer to go with all of my anger and self esteem issues, I don't need to be constantly vigilant in case something steps on me, or tries to lure me with creamy delicious peanut butter into a device that will snap my neck

Wow, its been a long time and I'm the only one that knows.

Until the last 2 weeks I had been going to the gym about 4 times a week.  I had been noticing some positive outcomes from this lately too, so although I didn't love going, I was continuing to do so in the hopes that I would get in even better shape.  I decided last minute to participate in a charity 5K walk/run and after I discovered that 5K is about 3 miles.  I thought it was a distance I might be capable of running in spite of the fact that I have not run in several years.  The only cardio I do at the gym is the elliptical machine.  I thought that in preparation for this 5K I would run a couple miles on a treadmill at the gym to see what kind of time I would be looking at.  So I jumped on the treadmill and starting turning the speed up.  Nothing about the treadmill felt right to me.  The speed I had felt too slow too jog, but was too fast to walk.  If I was near the front of the machine I felt like I should use the handles, which was uncomfortable and weird for walking/jogging.  I had to go to the front in spite of my discomfort because of my terror of flying off the back of the treadmill.  Just when I was about to give up and go back to the elliptical machine where I belonged, a cute girl, who while likely out of my league or already spoken for, settled in at a treadmill 2 machines over from me.  I haven't flirted with a girl in years, and I wasn't good at it to begin with, but I thought maybe we would strike up a conversation.  I'm not certain what the most ludicrous part of this thought was:  the idea itself, or that someone would want to talk anyone that was having such a difficult  time on a machine that helps you walk in place.  After a brisk 1/4 mile, I realized that I wasn't making a positive impression on this woman and if I continued on this device I would either fly off of it or pop my shoulder out of its socket due to the death grip I had on the handles.  I got off the treadmill as quickly as I could and walked back to the weight area where a gentleman was screaming like he was climaxing every time he did a rep. After 2 sets of 10, I decided I'd heard enough, gathered up my things, and saw myself out of the gym.